Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
