there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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