STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
he shaved USA in his pubs
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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