When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
