Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
