so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Randomize
