I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
