I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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