I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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