how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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