Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
