Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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