Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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