I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
