I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
