I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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