i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
