i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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