its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I am available for nakedness
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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