"it" just moved
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
