did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
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