I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
oh god was she eating orange peels again
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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