i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
You made out with two different species that night
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
