you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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