So drunk its hurt
I puked a lego.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Randomize
