im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
