The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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