Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
