we have officially lost it.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
It's rum buckets o'clock
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
