There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I have demons in me.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
