Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
