so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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