And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
