i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
