Just fell off a train. Bad.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
