member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
