first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
