hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
