i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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