East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
how drunk are you?
Several
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
