Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
