and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
