I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
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