ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
