hell yes lets make some ravioli
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
