i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
that's an acceptable place to lick
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
