I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
