Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I think I just shit out all my problems.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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