He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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