plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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