The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
