All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
