Even water is tasting like jack daniels
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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