True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
