If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
