We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
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