Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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