I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Walk of Shame today included voting.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
