I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
