This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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