he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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