You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
