1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
