if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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