Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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