dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
